Saturday, July 5, 2014

The Story Of Ham

In my efforts to streamline things around here I had the wild idea for Mr S to download the grocery store app that is in connection with our store. Why? Mr S works within a block of the grocery shop & he's always happy to stop & collect things, but if I don't include a picture of the item I'll get a frazzled phone call asking which one he's meant to collect.

My phone is currently loaded with pictures of the current safe food products I regularly purchase, when it dawned on me that if I just had him get the same app he can look at the list which will provide him with a picture, tell him which isle it's down & even show him where down the isle the product is located. A man's dream come true, right?!

Once I got him all squared away & logged into the app I loaded up the shopping list Wednesday evening last week. On a whim I quickly added ham to the list as the kids & I had an outing on Thursday & I figured I'd pack lunch boxes the night before.

Mr S took a bit longer then normal to get home which usually means I'm waiting for a phone call to say his bike broke, or I'm listening intently to be sure there are no sirens running. Yeah, I'm like that. Only I was so busy on Wednesday between supper, laundry, & prepping for lunch boxes that I didn't actually realise he was running late until he came crawling in the door.

I asked him what was wrong, wondering if he'd gotten hurt when he says, "It was the ham! That thing was heavy!"
"Heavy? I thought you'd just get 300 gs like we always get!"
"You didn't say to get 300g! I got a whole leg."
"Like a leg-leg? As in you brought the whole pig leg home?! Why would you do that?"

As he opens his backpack we can smell the ham because it's been double smoked. I hate ham. I can't stand the stuff in any form. The guys love it, so they have it for sandwiches now and again, but in 14+ years of marriage I've never once served a leg of ham, but I realise he's not kidding around when he hauls out an entire leg of ham & plops it on the counter.

"I hope you like it that thing cost me $33!"
"What?! You bought $33 work of ham? Why would you do that!!"
"You put it on the grocery list, it clearly said double smoked leg of ham."
"Yes, but didn't it say to get it from the deli?"
"I don't think so. It just said leg of ham & I thought, Weird she's never made ham before she must have found some new fancy recipe she wants to try out."
"With ham?"
"How am I suppose to know these things? I don't try out new fancy recipes."
"With ham?"
"Either way, I don't try out fancy recipes."
"Yes, we've made that clear."
"I think we should return it."
"What?! I just hauled that thing home & I am not biking back with it!"
"But I don't even know if I need to cook it! How on earth am I going to slice it?"
"With a knife."
"Don't be so rude!"
"I'm being practical."
"It has a bone in it."
"It is a leg."
"It's ham!"
"Yes, you said to get ham, I got ham."
"You know, I nearly called you before I bought it. I thought you'd never really mean to get a leg of ham, but it was on the list! So I bought it."
"You should have called."
"Yes, I can see that now."

There's still a leg of ham sitting in my fridge. Unopened. Unsliced. And every time we open the fridge we can't stop laughing.

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