Friday, June 8, 2012

Missing Dad

It’s been a week of craziness here, & unknowns. It’s one of those weeks where you wish you could demand it stop & hold still long enough to catch your breath & grab hold to move on with it. Unfortunately, I’ve yet to master time control.
It’s weird, you know, I walk through life every day all the time thinking, “I must make a note to tell ... “ about some inane thing that has happened or that I need to know. My latest thing was that I needed to ask my father for his opinion on the plans I had for building a swing outback for Jayden’s birthday. That hurts. A lot.
My boys have grown up believing that their grandfather could fix or build anything as long as he had a swiss army knife & a hammer. Me too. In my mind Dad was only one step away from McGuyver, cause Dad had normal hair & Mcguyver had a crazy mullet. 
My heart is still so heavy & empty all at the same time. I’ve learned there’s a limit to how much I can cry, for a while there I wasn’t sure there was. It’s a greater limit then the the skin I kept rubbing tears off of could handle though.
I’ve wanted to do nothing more all week then run down to the local Kmart & see if they sell Old Spice. I’ve never much cared for the smell as most smelly stuff makes me sick, but this week I need to smell it one more time. 
I’ve fond myself holding a slip of paper Dad tucked into a package earlier this year. Generally Mom writes the notes & all the information from Dad is included in her letter, but this one time he included some information in his own handwriting. I caught myself sniffing the paper during one of those moments when I wanted to go hunt down a bottle of old spice. 
I live for those little moments when someone does something completely insane that makes me laugh without even having to think about it. My boys have no idea how much they’ve made me laugh this week. Or my niece who has shared some of her funny stories about Poppy. We can no longer say chopsticks without breaking out into gut wrenching laughter. Even now I feel a smile creeping up just typing that word.

And seriously Dad, that photo is way better then the other one I dug out. Trust me, even if I am snickering.


Cindy said...

I am so sorry, Kendra. Praying for you all.


Nancy said...


Tracey said...

So sorry Kendra!