Thursday, March 17, 2011

Happy Birthday Mom!

Dear Mom,
It’s your birthday and we all know that with birthdays comes age, but I promise not to mention how old you are on a public blog.. that and it’d be too hard to figure out without using a calculator. Besides, I’m really trying to refrain from comments like “in the olden days..”, that comment’s never really gonna die is it? You can stop feeling insulted by it now, Morgan’s all ready used that one on me.
I hope your cake is delicious and that someone is thoughtful enough to use whole wheat eggs in it. I’ve all ready shared that hilarious story with my husband who had tears of laughter streaming down his face. My children were more ashamed that my cake was broken when you attempted to flip it out of the pan. I assured them it tasted the same and then proceeded to flip Morgan’s cake out of the pan and have the same disastrous ruins come to it. I hid the evidence by chopping it up into little bits and tossing them in the freezer claiming that was a cake for trifle we’d use later.
Honestly though, I’ve never given much thought to my ruined cake as much as the horror I donned at being asked to stick my hand in the toilet and scrub it if that’s what it took to make it shine. I still detest cleaning the toilet! And I promise, I really didn’t teach D to randomly spray bathroom cleaner around to make it smell clean, but he did confess that’s how he normally did it. Shameful, I know, but I couldn’t stop laughing at his unabashed honesty.
We hope you have an awesome wonderful day and the words, “i’m so angry I could spit beans” never erupt from your lips. If they do though, I really hope someone has the good sense to finally video the darned beans being spit!  After all we’ve been waiting twenty some odd years to see them. You have no idea the excitement you caused making that statement as D and I came racing downstairs to wait and see you spit beans all over the dinning room table on Nichols street. When you failed to awe us with your spitting abilities we snitched the cooked garbanzo beans and had a snack instead.
My husband calls them rabbit poos too, but I think it’s because I tried to convince my kids that garbanzo beans are the most awesomest snack ever by telling them that Poppy always called them rabbit poos. Unfortunately this did nothing to entice them, all though once I smashed them up and hid them in chocolate chip cookies. They never noticed, all though Mr S swore it tasted like I’d put nuts in the cookies. Alas..
Who’s cooking you dinner? I’m sure they’ll be making sloppy joes, so you must remind them that they don’t need to add enough flour to the sauce to actually make it instantly turn thick. No one needs to make that mistake twice, but let’s be honest here.. No one can deny those were the prettiest pink sloppy joes we’ve ever considered attempting to consume in our lives. And the fudge? Really, how long are we going to keep bringing that little incident up? Chocolate is chocolate, and let’s face it once everyone stopped laughing they were just as content to eat it with a straw as they would have been with their fingers! 
I know you’re laughing about that kitchen mishap right now, really I do. So, I’m going to give you another laugh. Your charming eldest grandson was making us chocolate muffins, on his own. That’s right, on his own at the ripe old age of nine. He’s bummed he got started a year later then me, but that’s what happens when your kitchen is stocked with whole wheat eggs and not a lot of anything else.. Point is, he was out there cooking as a test to see if he could follow a recipe without help. I popped in and out. Good thing too, the silly boy nearly added a 1/2 cup of salt instead of a 1/2 teaspoon. That would have been way worse then adding too much milk, right? 
Your presents, yes let’s talk about those. What did you get? I bet it was a slinky wasn’t it! I mean, everyone loves slinkies and we all know that every mysterious package holds a slinky, right? It beats the cake your grandson’s wanted to make and mail you. The idea was totally their own, and I think I managed to deter them by hinting that the mailmen who pass it around might get.. well a bit hungry. Thankfully they haven’t heard about the time I mailed muffins to my grandma.. 
I hope someone has taken over the roll of hanging up the balloons and crepe paper. I suppose if they didn’t then they’ve also stopped hanging signs on the mailbox announcing how old you are and asking people to honk. The mailman probably had a lot of funny stories to tell when he got home from work!
Wish we could have made it for your birthday, but you know the whole idea of a naked body scan just did me in. I’m still waiting to be able to say things like, “Beam me up Scotty!” And I promise, if I spot any whales out there in the big wide ocean I will indeed say, “Dere be whales here!” Hopefully I won’t be so busy remembering to say that exact line that I forget to snap a photo, but if I do I’m sure you’ll understand.
We hope you have a super awesome wonderful day! 
lots of love
All Of Us

1 comment:

Tracey said...