Friday, March 13, 2009

Victory At last?

You know that scene in Mouse Hunt where they lay a million traps only to get stuck in most of them and see the mouse running free? Well, my charming husband tried to convince me to do this while he was vacationing on the mainland. I said no way, mostly because I despise mouse traps, but there was also that fear I'd catch a million mice with sharp pointy swords and then have to dispose of them.
However, after the escapade on Wednesday night we were once again at the shop bright and early for more mouse traps. Do you have any idea how much courage it takes to show your face THAT many times in one shop to buy traps?
You see, I go the extremely long route of checking each and every shop, but am always stuck buying at the same place. Unless of course I want old fashioned traps that will probably break more fingers. (I've done that enough for one lifetime!) Or ones that catch them A.L.I.V.E. Yes, for real. In fact we were so shocked by this weirdness we took the trap to the front of the shop and asked if we could open it up and have a look at it. They obliged and gave us some more information. None of which was useful, I might add. I pointed out that the pictures on the back of the box are very misleading.

First off there's a women on the back of the box happily chopping up veggies for dinner. The mouse trap system is on the counter amongst her veggies. Now hold on one stinky little minute can we? What women in her right mind chops up veggies in a location she thinks a mouse might run? Plus, I don't think she'd be smiling! Then there's another picture of her disposing said rodent. Well, if she throws out a perfectly live mouse it's no wonder they are on her counters eating her chopped veggies. Personally, I think she should just chuck them in a cage and keep them as pets if she's going to be that kind to them!

Needless to say the trap is still sitting on the shelf. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not into squashing every little mouse I see or disposing of them all either. However, when a mouse crosses the threshold of my house, they cross the line of my patience and tolerance for nature! I have children to protect, not to mention myself!

Onward ho we went. Our handy real estate office attempted to refer us to a pest control who'd charge us lots of money to fill up holes and lay traps. May I only say that I hope he has the good sense to at least use vegemite or peanut butter, because if he charges a fortune and uses cheese, you're getting ripped off! Plus, I'd nix the vegemite route if I were you, not only does the stuff stink bad enough to give me an instant headache, I strongly suspect even aussie mice would be turned off by it. And yes, for the record if my husband opts to snack on the stuff in the sanctuary of the family car he is forced to ride hanging out the window while consuming it.

You may laugh or scoff, but if you're ever driving around the NW coast of Tasmania and you see such a sight, you can be pretty sure it's us.  I mean how many other people are forced to eat their vegemite in such cruel ways? I can only hope that if I'm ever pulled over for enforcing such rules that the police office has pity on me and happens to be one of the oddball Aussies who doesn't like vegemite. You see, an Australa not liking vegemite would just be odd..

So there we are in the grocery store with a few veggies, some milk (because I still haven't stolen the neighbor's cow!), some tomato soup (my child is addicted), and toothpaste (my other child is addicted). My husband reminds me to get mouse traps, as if this is something I will ever forget. I'm sure my children will tell their children and they will all roll with laughter, and that's okay, but for now...

I point out the traps and my husband empties the shelf.. with someone watching. Her eyes kept getting bigger and bigger. I ducked down a different isle. We make our way to the check-outs and each customer behind us looks over various shoulders to see what the hold up in the 15 item or less line is. That would be us folks, and all the mouse traps. We didn't exceed our limit, but we certainly pushed it a bit.

Remember that scene I mentioned earlier? That's what our rumpus room closet looked like. I slathered traps with peanut butter in the hopes that if they ate it they might even get stuck in it, and the children raced them upstairs to Daddy who put them down. In fact, if we hadn't been in the middle of a war with mice we probably could have enjoyed it pretending we were practicing for some great relay race!

The traps were then lining the doorway, so the kids were given strict orders to stay out of the closet. I personally could not bring myself to enter the room last night. After all if the mice are truly after me I'll avoid the room and perhaps they'll GO AWAY! Not likely, I know, but my imagination can probably convince me differently.

I opted to lay on my bed reading a book watching the kids play a video game, after all I'm a multi tasker. I was even fighting a migraine at the same time, how's that for multi tasking? When the timer goes off the kids quickly shut their game off and decide to play. Only I hear lamenting of how they can't get any toys out of the closet. Never mind the fact there are baskets of lego, stuffed animals, cars, blocks, and other things all over. Nope, last night they had to have the marble maze.

So I hear some discussion going on, as if I can't hear them through the semi closed door. It went something like this:

"I really wish I had gotten that out before Daddy put the traps down."
"No problem, I'll jump over the traps and grab it for you."
"You can't, we're not suppose to be in there."
"I know, but you really want that, and Mommy will be to frightened to get it."
"Daddy's home now you know."
"Yeah, but Mommy is still going to be too frightened to get it. Stand back so I can jump."
"JAYDEN IF YOU JUMP I'LL TELL ON YOU!" -- while peeking around the corner of the door to be sure I can see him.

So I look up from my book, not one little bit surprised at what's going on and I simply say, "You know, if those mouse traps get stuck on your feet I hope the mice come out and nibble at you!"  They looked at me for an instant and rolled with laughter. Apparently they were clearly aware mice don't nibble on people.  I went back to reading, a bit miffed. They went off to pester Daddy about the marble maze.

Despite a million traps we were in the clear this morning. I'm not falling for it. We were in the clear two days ago and that night I had the courage to sit in my dusty, mangy, falling apart, old red chair. That's when they plan their sneak attacks. The dog laid in my chair yesterday, and did a mouse sneak up on him? No!  Maybe I should take up snoring.

In the mean time, every last one of those traps is going into the deep dark scary recesses of the closet, and if I ever see another mouse again I'm likely to pack my bags and move!

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